It's still not cute to be crazy

Here we are. The follow up to my first millennial dating post. Guess what's still not cute? Yep, being crazy. 

This post is a little more personal and explicit in detail compared to the first one.

I once dated a guy who lied to me after we broke up. He lied and said he had bipolar disorder, hoping that I would speak to him again. It's one of those things that initially I didn't know whether to laugh in disbelief, or to actually believe him. I chose the former. The whole thing was crazy. From the timing, to the contents of the text message. Months before this occurrence, we had actually gotten into a heated disagreement about bipolar disorder. So the thought of him, who 2 months prior, didn't believe in bipolar disorder, having the SAME diagnosis as me, was preposterous. Also because the message went a little something like:

Him: Hey, I know you probably hate me, and I get it. But I just have no one else to talk to about this. 

....crickets...

Him: Okay so you're clearly not going to respond, but the reason I reached out to you is because I decided to go and see a Dr and found out I have bipolar 2.

Me: 

First off. Anyone that is going to tell you this via text message is a psycho. No doctor, is going to tell you that you are diagnosed with Bipolar 2. The diagnosis is Bipolar Disorder II, and then there are usually some other diagnoses that follow. Also, let's consider the fact that months prior, he said he pretty much doesn't believe in mental disorders. So yeah, from his message I knew he was lying. Which, he flat out admitted to later on. You're probably shocked and slightly horrified. Thinking to yourself "but who's sick enough to lie about a mental disorder diagnosis"?

A 'Grade A' liar that's who. You have to be leery of 'Grade A Liars' when you come across them. They are MASTER Manipulators. If your gut instinct is telling you that something is off, trust it. Something is off. They will stop at NOTHING to keep you in the emotional stronghold they feel they have on you. 

You see, one of the things that we had been going back and forth about was the quickness at which he entered his next relationship, once ours had ended. I know every woman has felt the anger, frustration, and the what if's when it comes to the next particular situation. You date someone for what feels like a significant amount of time (my opinion, is anything 4-6 months or longer). In this time you spend every day together and things are so great that you pretty much live together. But then you get into an argument and things don't work out. Two weeks go by and you haven't spoken but on the third week you're back on speaking terms. Only to find out, they are in a relationship. Less than a month later. So needless to say, when this man came back to tell me he was ready to be with me, while in a live in relationship with another woman, I was over it. Taking matters into my own hands, I diplomatically sent his girlfriend a message letting her know what he shared with me. For me, having first hand experience with bipolar disorder, I felt obligated to share it with the person closest to him. I really feel that the person you're dating should know this about you because it will help both of you to love one another better. The message went a little something like this:

"Hey. I know we have no reason to speak but I just wanted to let you know that Satan (obviously not his real name, but I'm sparing him the embarrassment) reached out to me and shared that he was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II. I have no desire to speak with him or help him during this time, so I figured it would be best to share it with you, as you are his partner and best means of support". 

You would think that this is where the saga ended. Or, you might think that the girl then sent me one of two responses. She did neither. She didn't respond. Honestly, I don't even know if she saw it, and frankly that's none of my concern. I used my best effort to share something that would help them both. A few months went by and sure enough, social media stalker, Satan, is back in my inbox. With yet again, another ploy to "make it work". We walked down memory lane, reminisced about the good times, and then at the end, I happily reminded him of all of the reasons why it wouldn't work. The good memories were pretty good, and generally we got along very nicely. However, they were exactly that, good memories. Times that have already happened and have a nice happy aura around them. The nostalgia is cool but it didn't fool me. In reality we wouldn't work. Too many things that were born from negative energy transpired between the two of us. There were too many times that he intentionally hurt me for to me to go back. If you think of a relationship, especially an intimate one, there should never be any intentional hurting. Sometimes we unintentionally hurt one another and that's usually because of lack of communication. To intentionally hurt someone, is not love. It's childish and cruel.  

More often than not we allow our brains and our manipulative ex's to paint our memory with happy times. With hopes to skew our scale of pros and cons about the relationship in their favor. There is nothing good coming from a master manipulator. 

Newsflash: A man that's somebody else's man, is useless. He ain't gon get you NO WHERE. What can you do with a man that is committed to another woman in any way shape or form? Sit there and pine after him like a sad mopey little bitch? I think TF not! But a master manipulator wants you to do exactly that. Beware of a man that smiles with his voice as he tells you how much he wants to be with you, while also being committed to another woman. Tone is so important when dealing with a manipulative person. Their tone will tell you a lot. There are some people that manipulate in nice voices, and there are others that rely on fear. If a man is trying to enter into a relationship with you, while in a relationship with another woman, and she is under the impression that they are monogamous, there is nothing good waiting for you. 

So my advice for anyone who may find themselves in this situation is this: 

Don't fall for the lies and the half sentiments that fill you when you reminisce on the good times. There's a reason for your break up. There's a reason you two didn't work out and it more than likely has a direct correlation to their manipulative ways. The little manipulative habits that you noticed are not cute. They are a sign the person is crazy. Withholding bits of information that would allow you to make fuller and wiser decisions, intentionally, is manipulative. Creating a fake diagnosis with hopes to play on your heart strings in their favor, is manipulative. Love is often given to us in so many unhealthy ways that we don't recognize these manipulative tactics. What's even worse is that sometimes we're so used to an unhealthy love that we accept these behaviors as a kind of true love. Telling ourselves "Look at what he did to prove his love. He lied to get close to me, it was for a good reason". That is the most dangerous thing that we as humans do. Justify piss poor behavior, in the name of love. That isn't love. That is toxic energy disguised as love. Love yourself fully and wholly. All parts of you. All of you that you have to give and offer someone else. Know that you are enough and don't need a manipulative lover to solidify your worth or value. 

Remember that it's not cute to be crazy. It's not cute that your man wants to choke you out because you took too long to respond to his message. It's crazy and even more importantly, it's dangerous. Violence isn't cute. Manipulation isn't cute.  Don't go through your dating struggles alone. Remember you have friends and family who love and care about your well being and happiness. Don't be afraid to talk to them about what's going on. You may end up getting better advice than you expected. If you're too scared because you think they'll judge you, I am always here, and will always be here, as a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen. I can't say that the advice I'll give will always be perfect but it will come from a place of love and constructiveness. I'm learning new and better ways to love myself every day. I'm finding out ways to voice my likes and dislikes to my partners. I would love to help others do this along their journey of life. 

To all my fellas out there, stop sticking your dick in crazy cause you low key think that shit is attractive. Stop intentionally doing things to make a woman crazy with hopes to fill your "I love crazy women" fetish. Being a manipulative dickhead is no means to start a relationship and/or thrive and grow in one. 

To all my ladies, stop giving men the power to manipulate your feelings with half truths and fallacies all because he had some good D. There's plenty more out there. He's not the only one who has a penis and knows how to use it. 

To both men and women, you do not have to put up with crazy behavior. You do not have to listen to someones lies to keep you in an emotional stronghold. Human beings can be very manipulative. We are ruthless and selfish creatures, especially when it comes to love. Do your best to avoid getting sucked into someone's misery. Misery loves company. That nasty negative energy will ruin and steal your joy. There is so much more beauty in life that gets overlooked when you're on the receiving end of an unhealthy attachment.